Friday, January 13, 2006

New Year....New thoughts....

This is a new year I hope new and wonderful things will happen. I have been thinking alot about the past year. It is filled with many things and trying times. Last year, my FIL passed away after having been diagnosed with bone cancer a few months before. He had been battling some health issues over the last few years. So it wasn't unexpected. My dh was upset that he didn't get to visit with his dad before he passed. I just think that my FIL was okay with the fact that he was coming home. I don't think he wanted my dh to see him like he was. So that was a hard way to begin a new year. Once we got home, the kids got their homework done from the time we were gone. My sister called to tell me my mother had passed away unexpectedly. Even though my mother was 81 she was in relatively good health. She had been in a nursing home for the last few years. So this was a surprise in a way. She had put a DNR(do not resucitate) request into place when she moved to the nursing home. So I had grieved a little about that so this was hard but since I was born to my parents late in their life. I had always prepared myself for this eventuality. I guess in a way I will always grieve for her she was my mother. Now it is getting to be a year since her death. I have many times wanted to talk to her and realized that I couldn't tell her what my youngest son was doing and if I did these same things as a child. I can always remember her laugh and her advice. She was a very witty and sarcastic person. I know that I always had a special place in her heart as did all of us. I am the last child of 7. So I am not an only child. There are lots of people to talk with but we are all busy with our lives and not able to explore this idea. Now, I try to keep in contact with my dad alot. He doesn't say much but he does talk to me more than anyone else. He has always been a quiet person. I also try to talk to my MIL alot as well. She is who I worry about the most. She lost her life partner and she has never been alone. She is doing pretty good but I know she misses her love. I know I would be the same for me.
Well, this year I am going to get myself in a better place and trying to understand where I want to be in my life. I hope to become a better artist and person. Accomplish some things that I want to do. Spend time with my children too. Let us hope that this new year brings wonderful and new things.

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